Learning Responsibility
Being Alone Without Supervision
Chores
But I don't wanna! I cleared the table last night! It's my room – I don't care if it's dirty! Getting our children to help around the house can sometimes seem to be more work than it is worth. But it's important to have our children help for many reasons. Picking age-appropriate chores and letting our children learn how to clean is half the battle.
Working together as a family means everyone helps out – young or old, big or small. Your child should be given responsibility around the house. How you decide to divide or delegate chores doesn't really matter. What does matter is that your child knows they are responsible for those chores and that they must be completed by a certain time. As well, you should let your child know what the consequences are for not being responsible for their chores.
You are teaching your child to be responsible and showing them the importance of working together as a family. If you are a parent, you are likely very busy. You might have to learn to change your standards, at least at first, so that your children can share some of the work around the house.
Delegating a chore to your child means that they are responsible for getting any required materials and completing the chore on their own. It won't help to have you hovering over them while they are doing a chore, telling them they are not doing it quite right (Imagine if your child did this to you!). After they have finished, praise them for doing a good job and mention any suggestions that you may have for the next time they do the chore. If you are too negative or nagging, they won't want to do the dusting next time it needs to be done.
Think about having a regular schedule for your child. This doesn't have to be written down, though it could be. Let your child know that they will be responsible for cleaning their room on Saturday and that every night after supper they can clear the table. Other chores such as carrying groceries into the house, shoveling snow or weeding the flower beds are chores that the whole family can get involved in – these also get us outside and exercising!
Early years children can clean their own rooms, dust shelves with a rag, clear and set the table, empty the dishwasher, and more. Sometimes we have a hard time letting them do these things because they don't do it as well as we do. But we have to let it go! If there is still a bit of dust on the bookshelf or if her toys aren't all in the right bin, that's alright.
Middle years children may still need some guidance on performing their chores to the best of their ability. Try to not nag or hover when your child drying dishes. Always thank them and give them praise for a job well done. If there are things they could do better next time, let your child know in a positive, gentle way.
Teens are capable of doing most household chores and they should be given the opportunity to learn. Eventually they will live in their own homes and will need to know how to cook, clean and take care of a home without their parents around. These are all essential life skills.
Being Alone Without Supervision>
Your child may begin asking if he can walk to his friend's house by himself or your daughter might ask if she can go to a store by herself. Many parents struggle with this – at what age is he old enough to walk down the block to a friend's house? Can I run downstairs and put a load of laundry in while the kids are unsupervised in the backyard?
It can be hard to understand the sometimes conflicting messages we receive about leaving our children alone or unsupervised. For example, 11-year-olds can take babysitting courses, so many parents think it is okay to have an 11-year-old home alone when, in fact, by law they need to be 12 years old. And even then, some 12-year-olds aren't ready for that much responsibility.
Manitoba law states that children under 12 may be in need of protection if they are left unattended and without reasonable provision being made for the supervision and safety of the child; this means that if Child and Family Services is called, they must respond to and assess the situation in which your child was left unsupervised. Child and Family Services may respond by phoning you, leaving your child in your home, activating your child's safety plan, or removing your child until a caregiver is located. Before Child and Family Services responds, it takes into account the maturity of the child, the length of time the child will be alone, if the child is responsible for other children, and how quickly the safety plan can be implemented, in addition to other factors.
If you are thinking, "safety plan?" – you aren't alone. Many families have safety plans in place but not all do. Even if you never intend to leave your child home alone or unsupervised, a safety plan can be very useful in emergency situations. A safety plan should include who your child can go to if there is an emergency when you are unable – for whatever reason – to help them. Many families have fire safety plans and this is similar: where to go, who to call for help, as well as having a secret family safe word.
It is very important that your child knows the safety plan. She should feel comfortable getting to the safe person – perhaps a neighbour – and being with the person until help or another caregiver arrives. But sometimes even the best safety plans can fail – the safe person becomes ill or a cell phone battery dies – so having a back-up plan is best.
Some parents may choose to give their children opportunities to earn trust, learn responsibility and teach independence to prepare them for when they are 12 and will be able to be on their own for short periods of time. It's a great idea to enrol your child in a babysitting course or similar course to prepare them for when they are 12. You should also take into consideration your child's maturity level, personality and other characteristics when deciding if they are ready for more responsibility.
Gradual ways that your child can build trust and prepare for being on their own will be up to you. One way you can safely encourage independence is by dropping your child off in front of their school (do not allow them to cross the street unassisted) and allowing them to get to their classroom on their own. Speak to your child and their school before trying this as you'll want to make sure that you are following the school policies and that you can check to ensure they made it to their classroom.
You may want to give your older middle years child or teen a key to the house. If your child will be at home by themselves, you'll want to decide if they’ll have a key or if one will be hidden in the yard for them to use. If you decide to give a key to your child, it's best not to put your address or other identifying information on the key because it could get lost.
Some parents might ask their child to phone or text them when the child gets home from school or an activity. This is a great idea as it will reduce your anxiety or worry about your child getting home safely. Your child should also be aware of friendly neighbours they can call upon if there is an emergency; memorizing or having a list of all emergency contact numbers is a great idea too.
As your child is also adjusting to being home alone for short periods of time, you might have to discuss new rules in the house. For example, if your child will be home for an hour before and after school by themselves and they usually has a meal or snack at this time, you might want to tell them they are not allowed to use the stove or oven or that they cannot have friends in the house when you are not home. You can't possibly prepare for everything that might happen when your child is alone, but you can cover the basics, including:
- when and how to answer the phone or the door,
- what to do and who to call if there is an emergency,
- what to do if they are locked out of the house, and
- what to do if friends want to come over.
Babysitting
Babysitting courses and courses on staying home alone are available which teach children how to deal with common issues. Check with your local library, community centre, YMCA or other organizations to find a course near you. If your child will be caring for younger siblings, it is important to talk to all of your children and let them know that your middle years child is in charge when you are gone. Whether your child is at home by themselves or taking care of siblings, go over the rules and ensure everyone knows what to do in case there is an emergency. It's a good idea to leave a list of emergency numbers on the fridge.
For more information, visit Babysitting Tips for Teens and Tweens
Getting a Job
Many teens may want to get a part time job during the school year or even a full time job during the summer. The first step to getting any job is writing and designing a resume. If you and your teen need help in creating their resume, the Government of Canada Resume Builder is a great place to start. Make sure when they are preparing their resume that it is primarily them writing it. Getting a job takes great responsibility and letting your teen prepare their own resume is a great first glance at this. Your teen will also have to find a few references, which may include their coaches, teachers or any adult from their extracurricular activities, including volunteering. Just make sure that your teen lets these individuals know that they are using them as references. Once they have prepared their resume and references, it is time to start the job hunt.
When job hunting, it is important to let your teen know not to assume it will be easy to find work or that they will get their dream job right off the bat. Let them know that it is better to apply to many places, as they may not be offered an interview anywhere they apply. Even if they get called for an interview, make sure that they are aware that they may not get the position but that either way, any interview is great practice for the future.
If your teen is nervous, do a mock interview with them and help them develop their answers. You may want to help them think of a few questions to ask employers when they are given the chance to do so during the interview. This can help your teen clarify aspects of the job that are not completely clear to them and can also give them a chance to see a glimpse of what the work environment may be like. Make sure that your teen brings a copy of their references to the interview, as the employer will ask for them if the interview is successful. For more tips and information on interviews, visit Your Teens First Job Interview and Interview Tips and Frequently Asked Questions.
Once your teen successfully gets a job, you may need to make a few preparations for their first day. You may need to go shopping for appropriate work attire, which will hugely depend on what type of job they have obtained. You will also need to consider whether or not your child will need to pack a meal to bring to work with them. If they are working in the food industry, they may get a discount on purchasing food from their place of employment, but eating at work everyday may not always be in the best interest of their health, especially if they are working in a fast-food restaurant.
Another that you will have to figure out with your teen is how they will be getting to and from their job. Will they be taking the bus? Will they be walking or biking? Will you be driving them or will they be driving themselves? Some teens may be nervous about getting to work when starting a new job. Taking the time to map out their route or taking them on their work route in the evening or on the weekend may help put them a little bit more at ease.
You may also want to talk to your child about respect in the workplace, whether it be towards employers, managers, supervisors, coworkers or clients. Make it clear that they will be expected to be responsible, respectful and efficient while at work. This may include, taking breaks that do not go beyond the indicated amount of time, being swift with bathroom breaks, avoiding using their phones while at work, using respectful tones and language when talking to others, doing their tasks properly right from the start and accomplishing tasks in a timely fashion.
If your teen is having issues with a co-worker, encourage them to remain respectful and to try talking with the co-worker first, as they may not realize there is even a problem. If this does not work, remind them to, once again, remain respectful and to bring it up to their supervisor or manager. If they go to the supervisor or manager right away, it may look like they were acting behind their co-worker’s back and may increase the problem or the tension in their relationship.
Technically speaking, teens as young as 13 years old can be employed, given they take a Young Worker Readiness Certificate Course. Additionally, there are rules dictating how many hours young employees are allowed to work and what types of jobs they are allowed to take on. This being said, some companies may not want to hire a younger teen and you should make sure your teen is aware of this reality. For more information check out the Young Employee Fact Sheet.
You may want to get your older teen thinking about their future and their career. Scientist, mechanic, dentist, police person, plumber, engineer, teacher, electrician, doctor, farmer; these are only a few of the careers that your teen may want to take on. Depending on what their career goal is, you child may need to get further education, either at a university or at a college. The Brandon Career Symposium site is a valuable resource that can help you and your teen explore their options.
As a parent, you may have already imagined a future for your child but it is important that they are the one to choose their career path. It may be frustrating for you as a parent if you have always wanted your child to become a doctor and find out that they do not want this for their future. Despite this, it is important that you are supportive of their choices and are there for them every step of the way.
Financial Responsibility
If your child earns their own money, it is a great time to discuss financial responsibility. Talk to your child about the basics of both saving and spending. You might want to open a savings account at your local bank or credit union for your child (it's a good idea to have your name on the account as well). Some jobs require employees to have a bank account so that they can get paid, so if your teen is in the market of looking for a job, you may want to make sure they have a bank account. To encourage good saving habits, you might want to make a rule that your child must save a percentage of all the money they earn or receive. Many early and middle years children are interested in having their own money to spend as they wish. It's never too early to discuss the value of money, the importance of saving and living within one's means. This might also be the perfect time to discuss materialism, self-esteem and the importance of loving yourself for your actions, words and behaviours – not the items you own.
Some children and teens are given an allowance to help them learn financial responsibility. Others are given an allowance for doing chores around the house. If you chose to give your child or teen an allowance, it is a good idea to make sure he knows why he is getting an allowance and what they must do in order to receive it. If they do not do their chores or are not financially responsible, they should be given a consequence for not meeting their side of the bargain.
For more information on teaching children and teens about budgeting, visit Make it Count.
Homework
Another huge responsibility in the middle and teen years is homework. Setting aside a specific time and place to do homework every day is a good idea, preferably a time when your child or teen isn't hungry, tired or distracted. The space they use to do their homework should also be clear from distractions, especially television or their phone, so they can focus clearly on their work. It's also a good idea to encourage your child to use a day planner or calendar so they can keep track of assignments and upcoming tests. Show your child how they can plan ahead and work on big assignments in smaller chunks of time, rather than waiting until the night before an assignment is due. You may also want to check your child’s or teen's homework when they’re finished – not to make sure it is done correctly, but rather to make sure that it's finished.
Some children or teens may have a little bit more difficulty doing their homework. This is completely normal, different people excel in different domains and no one can be perfect in every single aspect of life. There is no shame in getting extra help for your child or teen in a subject where they may need a little extra push. This help can be getting help from a teacher during lunch or after school (provided they are okay with this) or even getting your child or teen a tutor. Although they may feel that it is embarrassing, remind them that there is no harm in asking for help when we need it.
Keeping in touch with your child’s or teen’s teacher is a good way of knowing what homework needs to be completed, what they may be struggling with in their course and whether or not they are successfully handing in their work.